


I See You in Flashes of Light

by andmilestogobeforeyousleep



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-21
Updated: 2018-10-29
Packaged: 2019-08-05 07:54:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,659
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16363895
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/andmilestogobeforeyousleep/pseuds/andmilestogobeforeyousleep
Summary: The Doctor starts to have flashes of her memories of River. She believes this is her punishment for not being able to save her.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time posting any fic of mine, unbeta-ed. Leave comments. Please be gentle. Geronimo!

_She blocks the glaring sun as she hovers over the Doctor’s body and smiles. “Wake up,” she whispers starting to giggle. “Sweetie, it’s time to go.”_

The Doctor wakes in her favorite chair under the infinity tree, she had been tinkering all…is it morning or night now? Either way, it’s been long and she probably got tired and fell asleep. _I don’t voluntarily sleep like humans do sometimes_ , she thinks and then she remembers the dream. She is suddenly out of breath, clutching her chest. She looks as though the wind has knocked her over and then left her lungs.

She is catching her breath as she stands up and starts climbing the stairs to the console. Graham is standing on the opening of a corridor looking worried. “Doc, are you alright?” he asks, frowning.

“Oh yeah. I’m okay, I’m alright. As fine as Leo DiCaprio after he shot the scene where he dies in Titanic!” She knows she is overcompensating but she also knows that Graham worries. He can worry about anything. Everything, really. She gives him a bright smile as she steps on the pedal that dispenses custard creams.

“It’s just that you looked like you were hurt a minute ago.”

The Doctor shrugs while munching on a biscuit. “Oh, it’s just that I remembered something.”

“Something painful?”

“Want some custard creams?” She deflects, it’s like second nature to the Doctor.

“No thanks Doc, it’s dinner time..well, at least it feels like it in this ship of yours. I’m going to go wake the kids up to eat.”

“Alright then,” she says while touching her finger, where a ring should be. Graham walks off and the Doctor slumps over the console. A pain started blossom between her hearts again. A pain she learned to live it with in her past life. But now, in this body, it is new like morning dew.

 

It is three weeks later when the Doctor finally sleeps again, tired from the rush of another adventure with her friends on the planet of Barcelona in the 40th century. It was all a mixture of running, solving puzzles, fighting some very green fellows who wanted to erase the memory of all who knew of their bloody and violent history. In the end the Doctor, Yaz, Ryan, and Graham were able to persuade to leave and stop their nasty methods of frying creatures’ brains.

_She is swathed in red silk as they dance in a wedding in Agora, 23 rd century. They weren’t invited but her smile just proves crashing the wedding reception of the Chief of Military and his bride, Princess of Canis Major. He whispers to her, “I really love the dress…whatever it is…” She laughs in the Doctor’s ear and says, “I appreciate that you love it but I think it’s time you get me out of it.”_

The Doctor wakes in his--their—room in yesterday’s rumpled clothes clutching the photo of her wife. _My River_ , she whispers.

_They are eating in her parent’s dining room in Leadworth. She is reading a book on 8967 gravediggings in the ships of the United Kingdom while eating her salad. She looks so intent and engrossed in the book he starts to smile to himself._

The Doctor startles in the wake of the vision. She sets the photo on her bedside and starts to walk to the River’s office.

_She is putting her make up on while he lies in bed in their house in Darillium. It’s their first date night after moving to their new house._

The Doctor’s knees give out from under her and she has to lean on the doorframe to steady herself. She has no idea why these memories have come flooding back. She is racking her brain for any reason this might be happening when Yaz finds her. And in her mind flashes another memory.

_The Doctor wakes and her discovers that River is watching him sleep. She smiles as he opens his eyes. This is their first night to be sleeping in the same bed in his room that was now their room. She strokes his face and plants a kiss on his nose._

“Stop it! Please!” Yaz helped the Doctor to a nearby chair and starts to calm her down. “Doctor, what is it? What’s happening?” The Doctor shakes her head as tears stream her cheeks. “I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t save her, Yaz. And this is my punishment.” Yaz doesn’t understand any of this but she squeezes the Doctor’s shoulders.

“Save who, Doctor?” Yaz asks the exact moment Ryan and Graham finds them.

“Save who?” They repeat in unison.

The Doctor looks down at her boots and the rug, the Egyptian rug River picked out when they visited the real Cleopatra. She wipes her cheeks.

“My wife. I couldn’t save my wife. And I think this is my punishment.”

 

Days passed and the Doctor and her friends has created a relatively quiet and balanced living arrangements in the TARDIS. But the Doctor’s friends were tiptoeing around her after her confession. The Doctor hasn’t slept or said anything ever since except when Ryan had a question about the room with the pool. She had only smiled and given him permission to use it whenever he likes.

Graham convened a meeting between the three of them in the kitchen while they ate breakfast and they had decided to do something about the Doctor’s dilemma.

They found her nestled in a chair in the library covered in blankets that had a very distinct scent, Yaz guesses they were the Doctor’s wife’s. They found her reading a blue boo that particularly looked like the TARDIS.

“Hey Doc,” Graham began and the Doctor looked up from the book.

“Yes, is there any trouble?”

Ryan interjects, “No, no. We were just wondering if the flashes of memories have stopped?”

“No, but they only come in waves now. I can handle it.”

“Doctor, you know you can go to sleep right? So you could rest too?” Yaz asks softly.

“Timelords don’t need as much sleep as you humans do, Yaz I’ll be fine.”

“But Doc, you haven’t slept in days. We can watch over you while you sleep.”

“A-and we can wake you if you start having them again,” Ryan suggests.

“I’ll be fine, you guys. You don’t have to worry.”

“How about some breakfast tea then, Doctor?”

“Yeah, okay, I’ll take that.”

They are eating scones and tea cakes and sipping tea from fine china from 18th century China when the Doctor’s mind is engaged again in a flash of light.

_Amy is pouring River’s and Rory’s tea. But this is not the Amy that the Doctor knows. Or Rory. Or River. Amy is older than the Doctor has ever seen her and so is Rory and River. They are all sitting on the porch framed by a well-tended garden._

The Doctor’s cup hits the floor and fractures into pieces upon impact. 

_River is writing at her desk in the TARDIS library..her library. She is writing on her diary again._

Except River’s diary does not look as old or as battered as the one the Doctor is used to seeing.

_The Doctor notices River notices River is older than she has ever seen her before. Older than Darillium...even older then at the Library. The Doctor notices their familiar blue diary sitting on her lap._

 "It can't be. It can't be." The Doctor runs.

Another flash of light.

 

_River looks at the Doctor. “Hello, Sweetie.”_


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Old Girl takes the gang to Leadworth in search for answers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I GAVE IN AND WROTE A SEQUEL. ELLO SWEETEHHS.

The Doctor’s hearts skip a beat right before she reaches the library. Tears began to well in her eyes. When she got there, it was empty. The Doctor looked around panicked. The room was empty, the battered blue diary sitting on the desk.

“No, River please. It can’t be!” she shouts at the room as strings of tears sting her eyes. Yaz, Ryan, and Graham reach the room too and sees the Doctor leaning on a chair, trying to balance herself. The Doctor looks to them, grief-stricken.

Graham steps forward. “What is it Doctor? Is it the dreams again?” She closes her eyes, shaking her head.

“No, it wasn’t a dream. I don’t know what it is but it made it seem like she was here now, waiting for me.”

“But how can that be, how can it be when the Doctor is only seeing memories?” Yaz asks Graham and Ryan.

Ryan shakes his head and interjects, “More important though is what it is if it isn’t memory?”

“I don’t know what it means but I also saw my former companions, her parents, with her in their home in New York.”

“Which one?” They all ask.

“The city on Earth. 1940s. I’ve never been able to reach them si-since…” the Doctor tries to wipe her oncoming tears.

“It’s okay, Doctor. We don’t have to talk about it. But we’re here to help,” Graham touches her shoulder and for once the Doctor doesn’t flinch, knowing her friend only wants to help.

 

 

After a dozen attempts to land in New York in the 40s, including a short trip to Jersey just in case, the Doctor is close to giving up. But Ryan, clever Ryan, seems to never run out of ideas. “Doctor, do you think we can try the Library? What you saw maybe visions if they’re different from when you knew them…”

So the Doctor goes around the console pushing buttons, pushing and pulling levers to land on the Library in the 52nd century. But they land in Asgard, 60th century.

“Come on, Old Girl. Something’s happened to her. We’re getting her back.”

The Doctor pulls the lever again and they TARDIS shakes violently. “Hold on to something very, very tightly, gang!”

The Old Girl continues to move erratically as they moved through the time vortex until it shudders its final call.

“All right, everyone?”

“Doc, are you sure the ship is alright?”

“That was a bit of fright, Doctor.”

“Yeah, she’s good, I think. Hold on let me see if we’ve landed in the right place.”

The Doctors walks towards the TARDIS doors with the team following behind her. She opens the door and they are greeted by singing birds, sunshine, and a very quiet afternoon in Leadworth.

“No, this can’t be right. This seems like earth,” Yaz comments.

Ryan chuckles agreeing, walking through the door. “Yeah, I think we’re in the middle of Leadworth.”

“Leadworth? You’ve been?”

The Doctor walks out of the TARDIS gaping.

“Leadworth. Ofcourse.” She caresses the Old Girl as she walks past her friends.

“What’s with Leadworth, Doc? Does it have any significance”

“This is where it all began.”

“Where what began, Doctor?” Ryan queries looking around. But the Doctor was gone, running towards a familiarly blue door.

The Doctor knocks on the door as Yaz, Ryan and Graham wait on the pavement.

 

 

The Doctor steels herself as she lifts her hand to knock on the TARDIS blue door. She might find Brian here, waiting for Amy and Rory. Or River. Or all of the Ponds, a Time Lord can dream. But when the door opens an unfamiliar man stands before the Doctor.

For a moment, she doesn’t know what to say but she gains her composure and starts to speak. “Uh, sorry. But I’m looking for the Ponds…or you know, Song..River Song? Do you know her?”

The man smiles. “Oh yes, she’s here.” The Doctor’s hearts stop for a moment. “But she’s gone upstairs to get her things. Do you want to stay, we’re about to sit down to tea. What’s your name, again, Ma’am?”

The Doctor’s knees are about to give out at the fact that River is here. _She should focus on that, shouldn’t she?_ But who is this man, this man with River? Who might he be? As an epiphany dawns upon the Doctor, she gives a name and an excuse. “Joan Smith. But I have to go now, sorry. I’ll call again next time.”

The Doctor runs back to the TARDIS, her friends trailing behind her. She is peppered with questions soon as they get in.

“Doc, I thought this is what you wanted? She’s here. Your wife is here!”

The Doctor starts pushing buttons and pulling levers again.

“Doctor, why are we leaving? You have to see her,” Yaz looks as though hope has left her.

The Doctor just looks at them. “She’s moved on. That man who opened the door. River’s with him.”

Ryan sighs. “You’re not sure of that, Doctor. They might only be friends.”

“Doesn’t matter. We know what happened now. She’s back and she deserves a fresh sta—”

The Doctor doesn’t get to finish because a livid, fuming River Song has pushed opened the TARDIS doors and is glaring at the Doctor.

“Hello, sweetie,” she greets through gritted teeth.

The Doctor’s jaw falls. She’s here. River is alive. Her wife, living, breathing, standing before her and her friends in the flesh. The Doctor looks down at her boots. Tears sting her eyes once again.

The look on River’s eyes softens as she walks towards where the Doctor stands. The Doctor looks at her wife and breathes out her name.

“River…it’s you.”

“Of course it’s me. Were you expecting on of your other wives to come barreling down your door in the middle of Leadworth?”

More strings of tears spill through the Doctor’s eyes. “How are you here?..I’m sorry, River. I’m so sorry I couldn’t save you.”

“Hush now, you did your best, and that’s not true. You saved me. I wouldn’t be here it weren’t for you.”

“But I didn’t do this! All that happened was that I kept seeing you, our memories in my head!”

“And that’s what guided me out of simulation. Some sort of homing mechanism the TARDIS was able to connect with me. But before that a thing happened in the Library, a miniscule thing that allowed the TARDIS to reach the data core.”

The Doctor falls silent taking in the sight of River Song. Her River, right in front of her. River closes the gap between them, touching the Doctor’s face, wiping away her tears.

“But the man on your door! You’ve moved on. I can’t keep you from having a future for yourself, River. I have taken too much of you, and given too little of me. You deserve the universe.”

“Me? I thought you’d moved on, I’d been tracking you for weeks and I couldn’t find you so I went to see my parents and then came home with Anthony. How did you get here?”

“The Old Girl brought us here. Who was that man, River? Is he..is he…”

“That’s Anthony. He’s my brother.”

“Brother? A Pond? A new Pond?”

“Yes, you silly Time Lord.” She kisses the Doctor, chase at first and then it lingers.

Graham clears his throat.

They pull away after a moment. “Don’t kill the vibe, Graham!”

“Well, Doc, we’re here too and we want to meet your visitor.”

“Yeah, she looks very space-y,” Yaz agrees.

“She’s proper awesome.”

“All right then. Gang, this is my wife River Song.” River chuckles as she extends her hand to meet the Doctor’s new friends.

“This is Yaz. Her name’s Yasmin but we’re friends now so I call her Yaz. And this is Ryan, the nice chap who wouldn’t let me give up. And the other one who ruined the mood is Graham.”

“Hello, sweeties. It’s very nice to meet you.”

“Oi! I thought I was your sweetie!”

“Oh you just never change. Fine. They’re my darlings then.”

 

 

The Doctor cannot keep herself from smiling as she carried River’s tea and cakes to the TARDIS library.

She finds River sitting in her favorite chair, writing on their new TARDIS blue diary. The old one she cradles upon her lap. River looks up and sees the Doctor.

“My love?”

“’Ello, sweetehh.”


End file.
